I just typed an extremely long negative dreadful whiny post. With a simple right-click, "Select All", a quick push of the "Delete" button, I got rid of all the miseries I've felt for the past few days.

HA! Who am I kidding? If only problems in life could go away as easily as that. At least I have friends, family, & God to support me, & I'm thankful enough as of now.

Love,
NRLFZZH.

PS: But really, how's life?

It is too much a coincidence, or rather, it is so apt that this week's PC on Moodle forum is "Life In A Love" by Robert Browning.

Escape me?
Never-
Beloved!
While I am I, and you are you,
So long as the world contains us both,
Me the loving and you the loth,
While the one eludes, must the other pursue.
My life is a fault at last, I fear:
It seems too much like a fate, indeed!
Though I do my best I shall scarce succeed.
But what if I fail of my purpose here?
It is but to keep the nerves at strain,
To dry one's eyes and laugh at a fall.
And baffled, get up to begin again, -
So the chase takes up one's life, that's all.
While, look but once from your farthest bound,
At me so deep in the dust and dark!
No sooner the old hope drops to ground
Than a new one, straight to the selfsame mark,
I shape me-
Ever
Removed!

How did things come to Cloud 9?

Love,
NRLFZZH.

Hahahah don't know why but reading the comments that people wrote in for my posts, & all the nonsense going on in fb, makes me realise how blessed I am to have really awesome lovely friends to boot (: Makes JC life 10 gazillion times more worthwhile. Speaking of which, I really cannot believe I'm screwed for Math again. Like, againx10^(-60i). Hahah too bad not many of you don't understand that; when you start learning Complex Numbers, you'll know why. Anyway, I don't wanna get a "U" for Math for A-Levels ): *break into Smallville's Somebody Save Me*

So glad the holidays are here again & I've made a promise to really study hard this holidays. This promise I made to myself & to Someone whom I'll never actually dare go against - God. & a promise to God is a promise that is to be fulfilled. Hence I'll be studying. Not just for Econs (BT after holidays) but for all. & I vow to keep practising Math till I finally get it, & memorize Chem reactions till I can recite 'em in my sleep.

Btw I've been having funny dreams again these days. In fact, two really bizarre ones consecutively. But too bad I cannot reveal them on the blog because content not meant to be exposed just yet :D *wiggles eyebrows to Sam Tan & Leah Lam*

OK I'm gonna go do some other nonsense online before reading, & then prepare to go for Tuition. Alone. ): Deborah Nah has another tuition to make up for today. Oh well!

Bringing sexy back,
F.

PS: It feels good to have moved on. It feels... right.

I swear to God I have like, zero affinity with Sentosa Tanjong Beach. I was at that place twice in a matter of 7days, with the same bag, & stupidly enough without umbrella on both occasions, & yes, fate has it that it had to rain when I was there. However, being stuck in the rain the first time round with the touch ruggers & ruggers was much more fun than being in the same predicament the second time round, which was yesterday, attending the Milo/MOE Youth Tryathlon.

I sincerely apologize for not updating my blog for the longest time in the world. Then again, life is so hectic right now, more often than not I can't even keep track of time!

It upsets me a hell lot to find out about 3mins ago, that I'm a darn UK size 12 person.
UK Size 12. How much larger can I be -.-
& I swear to God dieting might not actually help me anymore because my bust & hips are no way in hell gonna reduce in size, unless I go for surgery, which I don't see myself in, at any point of time in my life.

UK SIZE 12 TMD!

Omgxzxzxzxz a million thanks to very lovely people:
Deborah Nah, Deborah Yew, Leah, Valerie, Yiwen, Debbie, Oliver, Charlene, & the 8 'gentlemen' of the class, who bought the girls flowers! My sincere apologies to all these people, who've given me gifts, & I was utterly ashamed to be empty-handed & appear sheepish all day long, with "Oh thank you & you shouldn't have!" or "Dang I didn't get you anything!". Bahh but thanks to these people (thanks to youuuu), it was a pleasant day for me (:

Btw Happy Birthday Bayu & Tarandip, though I don't suppose these people are actually reading my blog to begin with! But it's fine.

If there were to be a time when I get to replicate the use of 'symbol' (literary device) into real life, today must have been the day. The flower which I received didn't even last past 2.30pm, and it's no so much about the lifespan of the flower, but rather, perhaps even the heavens are sending some signs from above. That the someone (X) who passed me the gift probably wasn't even sincere enough, or probably meant it for someone else whom X saw more worthy of the money X spent on it. This thought only kind of ran through my mind when I carried the flower to the lift lobby of my HDB flat, & the stalk basically couldn't support the flower & probably itself anymore. The flower, on the contrary, still looked fine & dandy. But I guess it translates into today's event: Appearance-wise, things are looking acceptable. But sincerity, or lack thereof, speaks, even when tongues fail to function.

Quite a pity, actually. I cannot explain why despite being treated this way I still can go on with the same kind of feelings. That I know I'm probably going to face even more upset & disappointing moments, yet I'm not doing anything to get myself out of it while I still can. I'm fighting a losing battle, & hanging on to false hopes, & I'm fine with that. Am I just pathetic or what?

Though I have X's best interest at heart & if X wants somebody else, for reasons best unknown to me, then so be it. Will that stop me from continuing the feeling? I don't think so. Sticky situation siah. Tmd.

Silver heart burst in class today. That definitely cheered me up for awhile, as sadistic as this sounds.

How did we get here?
Well, I used to know you so well
But how did we get here?
Well, I think I know.

Bringing sexy back,
F.

Today's post will be damn short & precise. For reasons I don't really want to share.

Anyway, this is my daily routine of going to school. Just the front bit.
6.15AM: Leave house to walk to bus-stop.
6.18AM: Reach bus stop. Wait.
6.20AM: Bus arrives.

Today, 9th February 2009, at 6.19AM, just a minute after I reached the bus-stop, while listening to my Creative Zen Vision W & Looking across the road to the other bus-stop, a woman got knocked down by a car. Right in front of my eyes. I could literally feel blood draining from my face.

So today at morning assembly when us Saints had scripture reading, for the first time I prayed to Allah about something/someone else that is not related or pertaining to me.

Today, my prayer wasn't about something trivial & naive & self-centred, like, hoping the day would rain so that training would be cancelled, or that I would lose another 1kg or so. No, today I prayed for the safety of my family & loved ones. I prayed that in one way or another, somehow, God or whatever other factor open their eyes & see that life is fragile, precious, & we're constantly exposed to the vulnerability of losing control of our own lives. I also prayed for that woman who got knocked down, & I hope that she gets a second chance at life & learn her lessons. I prayed that her family would stand by her side throughout this entire ordeal. I prayed that the driver would have a peace of mind, & also learn his lessons. I prayed that he doesn't get into too much trouble, & that the affected parties get out of this situation in the best & most pleasant way possible.

& as for me, I learnt a bunch of lessons that no amount of textbooks or hours of tutorials can ever teach me.

God bless,
Faizzah.

Wlaoxz I have like, 3 damn troublesome homework to be done (Lit poem essay, GP AQ & Chem Prac), & I'm like moving at the speed of snail. Maybe even slower! I just want to watch TV ):

Speaking of which, did I mention that the living room TV is spoilt? Like, almost 2 months ago lah. So recently we got a new Philips LDC TV. It comes with the leg so you can place it on the table or wherever you feel like placing that thing, but NO, my mum just decided to mount it on the wall! Not that I have anything much against TVs mounted on walls, just that, aiyah. OK fine so I do but really! However, the funky part about the TV is that it has like, lights at the back of the TV, that will synchronize with the colour of the background of the scene you're watching.

So I was watching "300" again this morning & the light was mostly just grey.

Argh I better get back to homework. If I have the mood I'll post another entry later in the day. & that also depends if my right arm would co-operate & be a whole lot better today. I shall elaborate on that if I update again later, too!

Bringing sexy back,
F.

I'm very amused by the fact that my stupid Leonardo Dicaprio dream became a hit story for a whole week! (: Especially among 9th & some S27 people. & Lit people too lol. I'm anticipating more dumb dreams to put up in my blog for your reading pleasure yay!

I went for training today after like, what, 2 weeks or so being MIA from Touch Rugby. Ho Ho even thought I'm no longer in the CCA because he rarely saw me in trainings already. Pfftxz! & next Monday, some J1s are already joining us for training, or more specifically, Touch Rugby Clinic. It's like, not trials, just some form of exposure shitto. Hopefully some nice girls join the CCA. But from the groups of juniors I've seen, I think I can simply dream of such hopes lah. Like, Leah & Boon Ling & some other friends of theirs saw my black, OMGXZ-STFU look when OGxx did some stupid cheer while walking past me, blocking my way.


I believe that was the day they went out for some Amazing Race. My God chill lah kids it was sheltered area. Don't need to shout so loud right! & you guys should have seen the smugness plastered in each & everyone's faces while screaming their asses off. On a lighter note I'd kill to have such people in my House; makes cheering jobs so much easier. *smug face*

I think I'm on a really low level of tolerance these days, & I can spot that for myself. Besides the abovementioned incident, there was the spontaneous temper-flare-up at the foyer, which my friends witnessed. & another this morning, during Math lect when I suddenly didn't feel like talking & being irritated at like, almost everyone. Siao.

When I was having dinner in my room just now (do not comment on my terribly bad habit thanks but wth you guys will not fulfill this request anyway), there was Anacondas: The Hunt for the Blood Orchid on TV. & I have no idea what the shit that movie was about. But I was watching this scene where a character named Gayle was using her cell phone to contact like, friends or rescue reinforcements or something. I believe they were in some isolated, almost-out-of-civilisation kind of place with terrible reception. So she kept going, "Hey can you here me? How about now? Can you hear me now? Now? Maybe now? Can you hear me? Now?" So she was pissing everyone in the group (and me) off. & she fell off the boat that they were in okay how silly bimbotic of her right? & she got a cut in the process (silly bimbo) & she was like, waddling in the water & stuff. So her blood was like, gushing and spreading around the river. & a crocodile came. You know her friends were like, holding out a bamboo pole for her to grab so that they can pull her back, but no, she kept yelling & screaming for help & bawling her eyes out (silly bimbo) on the spot, so the crocodile like, bit her. One of the guys jumped into the river to save her; the crocodile nearly killed him, & he was so heroic to like, stab the croc with his knife & stuff.

So once everyone was back on the boat,
Hero (don't know name sorry): Are you okay?
Gayle silly bimbo: *nods* I lost my cell phone.

WTFFFFFFFFFF! Hello?! Someone risked his life to save yours, & not even a simply thank you? You're more concerned about your stupid cell phone that can't even work for nuts! Omg at that point of time I could have just smashed my plate on the screen, but considering the mess that I would've made & it was my bedroom after all & I realised it wouldn't have been a good channel for venting my anger, so I changed my mind. But I would love to meet the director, or the producer, or the scriptwriter, or maybe the actress herself. Either way, one of these people will get a piece of my mind.

& just something random before I end the post,

I miss OG 13 ):

Nvm. Tomorrow's great array of events for me will compensate for the above loss.

Bringing sexy back,
Fafa.

Why is it that people hardly leave comments at my blog? So sad ): I always anticipate some random comments after every post (or at least the long, filled-with-substance ones). HMPH! Upset de worxz!

Anyway, today we experienced the first day of packed-like-sardines cafe! My God! Like I could hardly breathe (ok extreme exaggeration). But goodness gracious! Good for the guys lah; can girl-patrol. Us girls can't simply look at younger guys & ogle at them. We can, but that's simply wrong! Meh & the TK people in SAJC are like, the low-key people. I know Faizah, Xiao Jia, Rohaida (saw her only when I walked past her table lol though I don't know her personally), Jia Min. Didn't see Jessica though; Imma was the one who said she's been posted to SAJC. Apparently it's like the Vanessa's gang, without the leader herself. Oh well. I'm no longer concerned about those trivial stuff. More importantly, the once pretty barren & manageable cafe is now super packed! Thanks lah we don't need to eat anymore. & for once, that's a goddamn queue in the girls toiletSSSSS. 1st floor & 2nd floor toilets were simply hogged by those younger ones peesh! The nerve to stare at me & Deborah some more!

Staring at tomorrow's timetable, I can just cry.
11-12: H2 Chem Lect (LT2)
12-1: H2 Econs Tut (H302)
1-2.30: H1 GP Tut (H302)
2.30-3.30: H1 ELit Lect Make-Up (H301)
And I have to sustain through my 4.5hrs of consecutive lessons with a meagre 1hr break after PE (9-10) -.-
If that's not bad enough,
8-10PM: Tuition.
HOLY CRAP!

To hell with positive thinking.

Freedom, Beauty, Truth & Love,
F.

I have a problem with myself, and that is, I'm never easily satisfied with one LJ layout. From 7pm just now, I have been changing to at least 20 layouts. & I've FINALLY settled with this one. So I've wasted 2.5hrs of my Saturday night doing something as insignificant as this. & what sort of satisfaction do I derive from this? Simply none. Zilch. Nada.

This following school week will be a hectic one for me; I end very late almost everyday!
Monday: Lit lecture (5-6pm)
Tuesday: Tuition (8-10pm)
Wednesday: Principal's Dialogue Session with JC1 Parents (5-9pm)
Thursday: HC Mee Soto & Ms Tay's Farewell (7-late pm)
Friday: Training most probably.

Speaking of which, it's quite a surprise to me that I'm more annoyed than excited that the JC1s are coming in this Monday. It's got to be the same reason why most of my friends are also not looking forward to it. But whatever the case, to prospective SAJC Year 1 students: Welcome to SAJC & have fun while you still can.

I've got quite a lot of homework this weekend but they're all so difficult & Idk how to do!
I guess starting from GP would be a good idea (:
Can't wait for next tuition session; can buy the delicious caramel coffee ice again! (Haha Deborah!)

Freedom, Beauty, Truth & Love,
F.

/edit/ Seeing those marching bands in SAJC just now, makes me miss TKBand even more than I imagined possible. Unfortunately, things are no longer the same. Funny how things can take a major transformation in a matter of months. /edit/

Damnit who the hell drills at 8.30 in the evening?! Plus it seems that the person living above my unit has some form of personal vendetta against me or something - sounds like the drilling was right above me!

Mofo piece of sai!

I simply hate the fact that I'm prone to update my blog when people tell me I haven't posted an entry for a damn long time. & I'm not blaming my friends; just very disturbed by my own reaction to it. But since I have time, I guess why not. Though I seem to have almost nothing to blog about too.

First 2 weeks of school, seemed fine. & when I said that, I mean close one eye at my not doing tutorials till the night before, reading the wrong timetables, & so on. But you must congratulate me for my losing 2kg++ in 6 days! I am the biggest loser I swear & I am the envy of many in school. It's not everyday you can come across this pun & think it's cool okayxz :D

Anyway, I'm secretly quite upset that my time in both House Council & Touch Rugby is slowly but surely coming to an end. Like, for 9th HC, there are only 2 'major' events left - X Country & Sports Day - & we're not even like, highly involved in the latter event! & for TR, we're only going to participate in M1 Tournament Round 2, which is in May. Then after that, no more games for us. I truly do best & thrive in CCAs, despite complaining during trainings & preps for events. People who know me best, like Imma for example, believe that I can easily win a scholarship through CCA if I work my butt off for it, but through academia, think twice. & I'm not quite embarrassed about the fact that I'm not absolutely an all-rounder, though I wish I were. Just, sigh. Very sentimental about stepping down.

& yesterday I discussed with some friends about SAJC Valedictorian. I mean, some of my friends should know that I wish to be the college's Valedictorian, but apparently the trend is that only certain people from a certain respectable CCA get to be the Valedictorian, which quite annoyed me. See, the criteria to be SAJC's Valedictorian is to be outstanding in A-Level results, have leadership qualities, & be eloquent in speech. So technically it's open to all from whichever CCA you're from, as long as the Saint fulfills these requirements. So I don't see why they should restrict, or rather, choose, only from this particular pool of Saints. Very irritated.

& speaking of irritation, I think men shouldn't be given the chance to vent their anger at women, especially husband to wife. Excuse me, we're living in the freaking 21st Century; move on with life. Man & woman now have equal status already, fyi, so don't give the bullshit that you have the power over the woman or anything of that sort. Technically, you do, but more importantly don't abuse or misuse that authority you have because something more important than power, & something you definitely need to earn, is respect. Just continue that frustrating behaviour & you can forget about earning my respect, damnitxz. I can be one bitchy feminist if I want to, so don't even try pushing my buttons.

Brilliant, I'm gonna end the night in a sour mood. Men.

Best of both worlds,
F.

GOSH! This is the final weekday of the REAL holidays for all of us, till next November. But by then we'll be shouting & screaming "Freedom!" rather than "Holidays!" (: The holidays has undoubtedly gone way too fast for us all, & it's the time to go back to school. Damnitxz! It's a mixed feeling. I'm happy because I get to see friends again after months of separation. But imagine the pile of work, MSAs, BTs, Common Test, Class tests, Lecture tests, TESTS TESTS TESTS PRELIMSSSSS TESTS TESTS TESTS A-FCUKING-LEVELS!

November, please hurry.
& blog, something tells me I won't be updating you very often. I'll miss you ): Till then.

Best of both worlds,
F.